Well I wish I had a date
So I wear my suit and tie
Well I wish I had a date
With a pretty girl in mind
Well I'll take her out to dinner
And I'll treat her real good
I'll spend all my money on expensive food
Show her off to all the rest of my friends
I'm not good lookin' but at least she's a 10
I won't pay attention while my buddies scam
I'll be in love with a bitchin' bim
You know I am but at least she'll pretend

Well I wish I had a date
And a body for brawls and fights
Well if I didn't have a chicken face
I could mack 'em down the chicks at night
Well we'll go out at night and she'll ignore me
Just a little but not a lot
And she'll go flirt with the tough guys
And they'll fool around with her twat
And for the moment that I have my back turned
She's making out in the parking lot

Well I wish I had a date
With a lot of trust and devotion
Well I wish I didn't have a chump
Who liked to spread her legs like the ocean
But if you know I had a date
And she wouldn't play on me
Cowwa-cowwa bunga
Yeah, man, real peachy

Well I wish I had a date
Well I wish I had a date
Well I wish I had a date
Well I wish I had a date