I got on the bus at Maple
I got off the bus at Main
I got on the bus at Maple
And I'll never be the same

I paid my 90 cents
And grabbed a seat at the rear
I paid my 90 cents
And then took out a beer

I sipped the cold beer slowly
And lit a cigarette
I sipped the cold beer slowly
And that's what I regret

And old lady stood and screamed
"Can't you read that sign?!"
An old lady stood and screamed
"No smoking on this line!"

I hadn't finished half my beer
When all the trouble started
I hadn't finished half my beer
When from the bus I parted

The bus was going forty
When she threw me out the door
The bus was going forty
When my body hit the floor

Now I lie here paralysed
And I can't even speak
Now I lie here paralysed
And things are looking bleak

If I could do things over
One thing is very clear
If I could do things over
I'd have finished all that beer

Well, here's the moral to the story
'cause now I've gotta go
I said, here's the moral of the story:
Never drink beer slow